


Baby's First

by Choke-a-Bro (Vanya_Deyja)



Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: M/M, Pure Nonsense, Verstael is too old for this shit, Vignette, slice of life in your favourite evil empire, somewhere pre game
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-02
Updated: 2019-11-02
Packaged: 2021-01-18 18:00:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 810
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21280916
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vanya_Deyja/pseuds/Choke-a-Bro
Summary: Verstael is not a huge fan of being kidnapped but he expects his kidnappers to take things seriously if they're going to go to all the trouble.
Relationships: Verstael Besithia/Ardyn Izunia
Comments: 6
Kudos: 64





	Baby's First

Verstael isn't real big on being kidnapped. He understands it in theory. He's the mastermind behind the Magiteck, the Minister for Defense. It makes sense to try and kidnap him. He thinks these guys are a rebel group from Tenebrae which is a nice change of pace from Lucians, frankly. Though while the whole '_good for you_' stands he still doesn't appreciate being kidnapped. 

These guys are not professionals. Verstael knows that mainly because they've handcuffed his hands_ in front_ of him. Which... well if that isn't the stupidest thing he's ever heard of it's close. They're all cramped in a little black van, speeding away, and one of the fuckers is texting while Verstael sits and sighs. Honestly, they seem to think he's just generic scientist version 2.0. Like, hello, he's been fucking shit up for years. Ugh, rebels these days; no respect and evidently no research department.

Verstael figures that they're settled enough, content in their get away, so he makes his move. Sharp kick, immediate twist and he has a handgun from one while another clutches their balls across from him.

_Pop, pop, pop._

Three dead kidnappers. 

The two in the driver's seat are starting to panic. Verstael hears them glance back and shout for clarification of what's going on. 

Verstael takes another handgun and twists in his seat to lodge the barrel up against the back of the driver's skull.

"I'm going to have to ask you to pull over," he grunts in Tenebrasian. He's a noble. Of course he's bilingual. It comes in handy. He speaks Lucian too if that wins any points? 

The driver and passenger are swearing up a storm at each other but they're still driving so Verstael clicks the gun pointedly with a little '_Ah-hem_' sound of impatience. 

Swearing, pissed, the driver pulls over. 

There's a pause. They seem to expect Verstael to try and get out of the car while dramatically holding the gun up defensively. Nah, no thanks. Now the car is in park he just shoots both of them in the skull in quick succession. 

Sighing he sits back amongst the corpses. 

He can't find a fucking key for his handcuffs. Ugh. 

Sighing he gets out of the car with one of the cellphones. He dials a familiar number and pops the phone on speaker so he doesn't have to wrestle it against his ear.

"Hello~?" 

"Yeah, I'm going to need you to pick me up." Verstael grunts.

"That was fast," Ardyn remarks. "I was just vowing to rescue you." 

"I can handle a simple kidnapping, Izunia, I'm not a hapless maiden." Verstael huffs. 

"Where are you?" Ardyn supposes.

"Butt fuck nowhere." Verstael sighs. "Give me a little while. I'll drive till I hit something and call you back."

"Sounds smashing, pick you up soon darling," Ardyn hums. 

Dragging the dead driver out of his seat onto the side of the road handcuffed is honestly the hardest, most awkward, part of the entire evening. Driving handcuffed to a gas station on the lonely highway 45 is pretty smooth sailing. 

Verstael enters the gas station covered in blood splatter but after he's explained himself and flashed his credentials the gas station attendant, a pure Niff gentleman, gets him a slushie while he dials Ardyn a second time. 

Verstael is still sipping said slushie, raspberry crush, when Ardyn's red convertible pulls up to the pumps with a victorious _whoot-whoot_ of the horn.

"That your ride?" The sloppy seventeen year old attendant asks.

"Yeah, that'll be him," Verstael grunts. "Thanks."

Ardyn meets him on the concrete near the pumps and Verstael thrusts his hands out expectantly. Ardyn snorts, taking his handcuffs and breaking the chain in a rare flourish of scourge strength. Now all Verstael needs is a bobby pin for the cuffs but that'll be easier now he's got a broader range of movement.

"You're going to need forensic for the van. Looks like a party in there." Verstael cocks his chin back over his shoulder to where he parked.

"On their way," Ardyn assures. "Your illustrious kidnappers didn't get very far with you, we're barely an hour out of the city."

"Baby's first kidnapping, I'm telling you," Verstael shakes his head. "You'd think people would try harder."

Ardyn sighs. "One day someone really impressive and thoughtful is going to kidnap you and then I'll get a chance to show off my heroics."

"I won't hold my breath." Verstael snorts.

"You know I saw this cute little diner on the way in," Ardyn announces while Verstael pulls open the passenger door of the convertible, "I could kill a man for pie, how's pie sound?"

"Hmm, I could eat," Verstael consents, toying with his new steel bracelets. "You're paying. I don't have anything on me."

"You're such a cheap date," Ardyn bemoans.

"And you're a lazy hero, what's your point?" 


End file.
